If you could look inside my broken heart, it would be like looking inside a kaleidoscope. Filled with beautiful fractured memories. Memories that are full of love. Memories that are full of you.
A year ago today, I was checking Vito into the ER. After Thanksgiving, he got sick and things escalated quickly. When I look back, I remember crying countless tears, but amid that, I remember being hopeful. So, so, so hopeful! I did my best to stay strong and put my faith over fear. I believed that when we removed the tumor, we caught it before the hemangiosarcoma spread, and Vito would be the 10% exception. He fought hard, and his spirit fought even harder. But 3 months later, my precious boy grew tired. The cancer was spreading, and his body couldn’t do it anymore.
My heart broke several times throughout this period. It split when I learned Vito had a tumor. It cracked deep when I found out he had cancer. It shattered into pieces when I knew our time here was ending.
People keep saying time will heal but it’s been almost 9 months and I still cry everyday. Maybe others heal in time but for me I don’t think this is something I’ll ever heal from and I’m okay with it. I’m not moping in sorrow. When I cry, it releases emotions that my body can’t contain. Sometimes my tears are just a few drops and other times it’s a full on flood. I’m okay with it though. I’m embracing it. It’s grief and the grief I carry comes from the love Vito and I share.
Recently I read this quote ‘a broken heart does not mean you’re broken. The crack is there to let the light in’ - I like to believe that light is Vito’s spirit. His light fills the cracks between the pieces of my broken heart, holding together all our beautiful memories. His light is his love, living on in my heart. It might be broken but it still finds joy and reasons to smile throughout the day. Maybe someday it will be easier, until then I’m falling in love with my broken heart ❤️💔❤️
I had to say goodbye to my Mozart last week. He was 14 1/2 but I wanted more years. A piece of my heart is forever gone. He was my shadow, my best friend, my soul... I'm heartbroken and gutted to say the least. I know your pain. Maybe Vito and Mozart will meet in heaven and they can split a yummy treat and chat about how much their human mommies loved them.